The Language Barrier

“Wait,” you say, “Maggie's in London, where they speak English. There shouldn't be a language barrier!'”

Well that's what I thought too. I mean I was prepared for cute British accents and funny words like ''biscuit'' for cookie or ''crumpet'' for English muffins but what I wasn't prepared for were times where I literally stare at someone who's speaking to me and go, ''Whhhaaat?'' because I have no idea what they have just said.

Despite the fact that part of our Bunac (that's the program that so kindly provided me a visa to be here for six months) orientation was a crash course in British expressions, I have still encountered phrases, words, and usage that totally stump me. Read on to discover just how far apart British and American English have drifted....

First of all - if you ever travel in the UK make sure you remember that while ''jeans,'' may be ''jeans,'' all other pants (what Americans would probably call slacks or Khakis) are “trousers.” When they told us this at Bunac I thought they must be exaggerating. Surely young people don't go around London using a term that had pretty much fallen out of common usage in the days my grandparents were growing up? But oh how wrong I was...it is never pants. It's always trousers. This is because the word ''underwear'' isn't really used here. Instead of panties or briefs or boxers, it's all ''pants.'' So while in America it is pretty awkward to say “Where are my pants?” in England if you are asking this you are really in an awkward situation....

The other word we learned how to use at orientation is “fit.” This doesn't mean that you spend a lot time at the gym. The American English equivalent would be “hot” - as in attractive. To Brits, saying anything about “hot,” makes them wonder if they should open a window. Needless to say, whenever a guy in a pub tells me “You're really fit,” it makes me wonder how the heck he thinks he knows if I have a six pack or something. (Then I remember the translation and giggle.)

...

In French class we learned the term “idiom;” to describe expressions, words, and phrases that are used in a language by native speakers but don’t really make sense to anyone else. To someone learning English the phrase ''kicked the bucket,'' must seem related only to unnecessary foot pain, yet we all know its meaning. I've come across a few idioms that have really expanded my British vocabulary. One experience was particularly funny/notable. It happened not long after made friends with a British guy. I called him up (or should I say ''rang'' him?) just to say hi/ask what he was up to. The conversation began pretty typically and then took a strange turn:

Him: Hey Mags, how are you?

Me: I'm good, how are you?

Him: Uhhh, I'm totally knackered.

Me: You're What!? (The phone is up to my ear and I am thinking...woah, why is he telling me he's naked? I thought British people were supposed to be reserved!)

Him: Knackered. Tired. Beat. Exhausted.

Me: Oh! I thought...well never mind.

Him (laughing): Did you think I meant naked?

Me: No comment.

I later found out from my boss that the word ''knackered,'' comes from putting down race horses. Apparently when a horse had outlived their glory days they were taken away to be shot. Thus the meaning “dead tired.” (This is yet more evidence that British people are obsessed with horses.)

Sometimes I really have to actually translate. What a British person might say and what I might I might imagine they mean can be quite different. For example the other day at work, Simon, the guy who handles paying the bills etc. came back in and announced, “I’ve just found a tenner in the toilet. Is anyone missing one?”

A tenor in the where? I am sitting at my desk imaging Placido Domingo floating in the bowl among pieces of….well. You get it.

I know he can’t possibly have meant what I thought he meant. Several seconds later I remember the gross habit that Brits have of referring to an entire restroom as “the toilet,” (seriously when I first got here that was as bad as fingernails on a blackboard…it just sounds so vulgar) and then realize that he clearly didn’t mean t-e-n-o-r he meant t-e-n-n-e-r, which I correctly surmised is a slang term for a ten pound note (or bill as Americans would say). At the end of this thought process I blurted “Oh you meant money!” Which made everyone look at me weird so I had to explain which made everyone laugh.

But the best/funniest/most embarrassing language barrier I have been up against has been trying to understand people on the phone at work. I have to ask every single person who calls to spell out their name and where they are calling from because I took away the lesson, “Don't assume anything,” from the incident described below:

Phone Rings.

Me (in my secretary voice): Good afternoon, ASG, how can I help you?

Person on the other end: Hello, I'm trying to speak to someone who has called me from your number regarding waiters for this weekend. I couldn't understand them. But I need to speak to them about the waiters.

Me: Have you worked with our company before sir?

Him: No, no I've just been in contact with him about the waiters. He is supposed to be hiring waiters for this weekend. He’s staying with us.

So I am racking my brains for a way in which this has anything at all to do with visas or immigration enquiries. I decide there must be a huge event this weekend that someone has to hire waiters for short-term and this guy needs to ask questions about their visas. Since he couldn't understand who left him the message I figure I will fill out a “New Enquiry,” sheet and pass it off to one of the attorneys.

Me: Sir, I'm just going to take some details from you and someone will be able to return your call shortly to answer your questions.

So I fill out this sheet with this guy's contact details and his enquiry about hiring waiters for the weekend. A little while later one of ASG's solicitors comes to the front desk to asks:

Andrew: Maggie, did you write this number down any where else? It doesn't exist. And I Googled Bobby Castle and I can’t find that either.

Me: No, I'm sorry. I was having trouble understanding him...he had a really thick accent…He said he’s from Devon… I repeated the number back to him and he said that was right. I guess he couldn't understand me either. I don’t know though the whole thing was really weird…he kept talking about hiring the waiters but he couldn’t tell me what it had to do with immigration and it was all really strange…

Andrew: Maybe it was a prank call. No worries, I'll get to the bottom of this!

Several Google searches later Andrew comes back going “Bovey Castle! Bovey Castle in Devon!”

Me (feeling dumb): Oh! Bovey!

Andrew (an English native): Don’t worry, I think they speak funny in Devon too.

So he rings the guy back to try and figure out what he needs. Apparently all he kept talking about is the person who needs to hire the waiters for the weekend and Andrew couldn’t make heads or tails of it either. He gets off the phone and starts asking everyone in the office if they have any idea what this could possibly be about because the guy was going on about the person who had left him a message about the waiters. This goes on for a while until Andrew thinks to mention the bloke was calling from Bovey Castle. In Devon.

At this point our American lawyer looks up and goes, “Bovey Castle? That’s where I’m going to a wedding this weekend. Did someone call back about me renting waders to go fly fishing?”

Cue laughter from entire office.